Slow of Speech

I suffer from social anxiety. I cant talk to people in the halls at church, I don't answer my phone, I cant write thank you notes, I cant raise my hand in class, I panic if someone asks me to introduce myself, I have Luke call my own family and friends and I crumble and hyperventilate at the thought of speaking in front of a large group of people.

After two days of relentless phone calls from a member of the Bishopric I finally picked up the phone and received a call to speak in church. I started crying even before he hung up. I cried all that night. I knelt in my closest and wept because of my weakness as a servant of the Lord. I couldn't get my anxiety attacks under control. I received a priesthood blessing from my husband and fasted, yet still I would begin to panic and hyperventilate every time I would imagine myself on the stand.

I know many Doctors would advise that I be medicated, but I refuse to be dependent on mood altering drugs. Long ago I decided to live with my disability and serve God in the ways that I am able. But I don't believe that my Father in Heaven wants me to suffer with this disability any longer. I believe he wants more for me, he wants me to be free from this paralyzing fear that controls my life. But it's going to take a huge leap of faith on my part. I know that I can not give this talk without his help. I am so afraid. Wherever I've read the story of Enoch or Moses and how when the Lord came to them and asked that they stand before their people and prophesy, I could always empathize with their fear and their response of, Why me, I am hated and slow of speech...

"And he heard a voice from heaven, saying: Enoch, my son, prophesy unto this people...

And when Enoch had heard these words, he bowed himself to the earth, before the Lord, and spake before the Lord, saying: Why is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people hate me; for I am slow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?

And the Lord said unto Enoch: Go forth and do as I have commanded thee, and no man shall pierce thee. Open thy mouth, and it shall be filled, and I will give thee utterance, for all flesh is in my hands, and I will do as seemeth me good. Say unto this people: Choose ye this day, to serve the Lord God who made you. Behold my Spirit is upon you... and thou shalt abide in me, and I in you; therefore walk with me." (Moses 6)


I hope and pray and will exercise faith that the Lords promise to Enoch will also be given to me and that I can abide in Him and He will sustain me through this assignment.