When a Cloud of Darkness Overshadows You

Over the past couple of months I've been overwhelmed with the many different changes and trials currently in my life. I've lacked the spirituality that usually brings me so much peace and joy despite hard times. Awake early this morning, I was wanting to know how to get rid of this dark cloud that seems to be overshadowing me. As I was about to start getting ready for the day I thought, "I need to read my scriptures." I randomly selected  Heleman Chapter 5 in the Book of Mormon and read:

"And it came to pass that the Lamanites said unto him: What shall we do, that this cloud of darkness may be removed from overshadowing us?

And Aminadab said unto them: You must repent, and cry unto the voice, even until ye shall have faith in Christ, who was taught unto you by Alma, and Amulek, and Zeezrom; and when ye shall do this, the cloud of darkness shall be removed from overshadowing you."

It is still a wonder to me that by just by opening the scriptures and reading, God can speak to me and help me in my individual struggles. I know what I have to do,  now I just need to do it and have faith that Christ will remove this cloud of darkness.

The Last Days

"Even this Nation will be on the very verge of crumbling to pieces and tumbling to the ground and when the constitution is upon the brink of ruin this people will be the Staff[up[on] which the Nation shall lean and they shall bear the constitution away from the very verge of destruction. . . . I know these things by the visions of the Almighty." -Joseph Smith

One of the conditions of the last days is that the Constitution of the United States will be in jeopardy and will seem to hang as though upon a single thread. Our source of this prophecy is not the scriptures but Joseph Smith. Brigham Young recalled the prophecy in this way: "Will the Constitution be destroyed? No; it will be held inviolate by this people; and, as Joseph Smith said, 'The time will come when the destiny of the nation will hang upon a single thread. At this critical juncture, this people will step forth and save it from the threatened destruction.' It will be so."

Joseph Smith said we would see the time when the nation was on the "verge of crumbling to pieces" and "the constitution is upon the brink of ruin." President Wilford Woodruff said "the time will come when the country will be distracted and general lawlessness prevail. Then the Mormon people will step forward and take an active part in rescuing the nation from ruin." Speaking of this prophecy, Elder Ezra Taft Benson said: "I have heard our present Prophet leader [President David O. McKay] say we are very near to that time. It is my solemn conviction we are near the time which the Prophet saw."

Hope and The 13th Article of Faith

We were recently learning the 13 Articles of Faith as a family when at last we came to the 13th. While memorizing it with my children I noticed something new.

"...We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things..."

The part that struck me was that we "hope" to be able to endue all things.

I always wanted to think that I was one of those special individuals who could and would always endure well as long as I was determined to do so. But I realized while contemplating this scripture, that I really don't know what trails this life will bring. I  don't know if some overwhelming trial will slam me to the ground and I wont be able to endure it. Like this scripture says and what I came to understand is, all I can do is hope  that I'll endure.

Where it says "we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things", never does it say we have or will endure them Well. I was left with the impression that we are all just trying to survive, and struggling to endure this life according to our individual abilities and circumstances. I've had trials that have overcome me. Trials I was barely able to survive let alone endure well. This is something I need to remind myself of before I ever cast judgment on how someone else is enduring their personal trials.

This realization got me thinking about my life so far. I began to reflect on certain traumatic, life altering events in my life and how I was thrown on a downward spiral as a result of the overwhelming pain I experienced. For years I have felt so much guilt for the direction my life took during those times. The realization that there is no guarantee or expectation that we will always endure our trials well, that there is only hope, has helped me to forgive the girl I was and I grieve for her pain, and the total darkness and despair she was drowning in. It was in my hour of need, when my life was spiraling out of control and I could not save myself, that God threw me a lifeline and pulled me out. When I found out that I was expecting my daughter, I finally had a reason to look up and reach for His hand. I had lost all hope for myself and living for her was the only way He could reach me and get me to hang on to that line.

I no longer live with the arrogance that I will always endure my trails well. I know by experience that I'm too weak to guarantee perfect faith and obedience, nor does God expect it. All I can do is hope to be able to endure all things and plead that the power of Christ's Atonement and His Grace will make up for my many weaknesses and failures. And if life's trails begin to crash down upon me and I cannot endure well, I know that somehow God will find a way to throw me a lifeline before I am swallowed by despair and lost forever. I hope and pray that I will always be able to see and recognize those lifelines and have the strength to hold on while He pulls me up.

Offenders

I have often found myself asking God the same question Peter had asked. “Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?” And Christ’s answer, “seventy times seven” would sound in my mind and offer me no comfort. More recently I have been asking, “does the Lord truly expect me to endure the abuse of others indefinitely? And because I cannot endure it with a loving heart, am I committing a sin by wanting to cut those offenders out of my life so that I can have a greater spiritual peace?”

During a recent Sunday school lesson we were invited to look up a scripture in Matthew 18. I read past the verse assigned and I noticed some verses that seemed to address my question. I continued reading the next day in my home when I received my answer.

“At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?

And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,

And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Here, Christ answers the ultimate question of who will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. He answers, only those who are converted (changed, transformed into something new) and become as a little child (humble, loving, trusting and willing to submit to the will of the Father) can enter His Kingdom.

“But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!”

While those who have experienced this change or conversion must be afflicted, he gives a warning of severe punishment to those who offend these “children”, and make it difficult for them to live in this fallen world.

He continues by telling His children…

“Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.”

As I read this verse, its meaning became clear to me by personal revelation from the Spirit. I had never understood it’s meaning correctly before. I know understand that the hand, foot and eye are the people in our lives; our family and friends. If they are offending me, I must cut them off. For as this scriptures says, “it is better to enter (eternal) life maimed”, having lost those offending family members and friends, then not enter at all and “be cast into everlasting fire”, because of the resentment and bitterness they have caused to enter into my heart.

I knew this was the answer to my prayers. I understood that after giving so much forgiveness, love and patience to my abusers, if they continued their actions and my heart began to corrupt, then it was time for me to cut off those relationships and love them from a distance. A pure heart is what I need stay close to God and obtain eternal life, and that is more important to me and God than keeping those people who offend in my life.

After this realization, I noticed that there was a footnote for this particular verse, a Joseph Smith Translation. It read “And a man’s hand is his friend, and his foot also; and a man’s eye, are they of his own household.” It was exactly what the Spirit had taught me just moments before. In addition to the answer to my question, I also received another confirmation that Joseph Smith truly was a prophet of God and received divine revelation.

Also in this chapter, the Lord gives specific instruction on what we should do before “cutting someone off.”

“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.”

It is not an easy thing to do. But in my experience when I have tested and obeyed these directions by privately confronting certain people who were offending me, it has always weeded out those who truly care about me from those who don’t. I have often been completely taken aback by those who become “my brother” (or sister) and those who fail to hear me.

The following verse says:

“Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven”

I don’t believe these two verses were placed next to each other by coincidence. Often when the scriptures mention “binding” the Lord is referring to the binding together of hearts. I feel that even though we are sealed to our families in saving Temple ordinances, we can bind and release our hearts to whomever we chose. And because of this scripture I believe those bindings and releasings done on earth are also honored in heaven. After confronting those who are offending, and seeing whether they are a ”brother” or a “publican”, we can then choose to either bind them or loose them.

 “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”

My understanding of this scripture has changed and it no longer torments me. This commandment was given to Peter (and all of us), so that those of us who are trying to be meek and humble and follow Christ, will not sour our hearts with resentment and bitterness and thereby keep ourselves from receiving the reward of eternal life. The Lord understands that we are human and that there is only so much abuse we can take. To those who have reached that point, after doing all we can do, He says “cut them off”, It’s not worth losing you.

Must I always forgive? Yes. But if for nothing else, I do it for my own peace and salvation. Am I required to keep the offender in my life? No. “Cut them off. And cast them from thee.”

As someone who has cut off both friends and family because of continuous abuse and offenses, it often feels as though I’ve been maimed. But in their place Christ has given me a peace in my heart, the companionship of the Spirit and a promise; that “every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.” (Matthew 19:29)
 

C.S. Lewis

“The command be ye perfect is not idealistic gas. Nor is it a command to do the impossible. He [Christ] is going to make us into creatures that can obey that command. He said (in the Bible) that we were “gods” and He is going to make good His words. If we let Him—for we can prevent Him, if we choose—He will make the feeblest and filthiest of us into a god or goddess, a dazzling, radiant, immortal creature, pulsating all through with such energy and joy and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine, a bright stainless mirror which reflects back to God perfectly His own boundless power and delight and goodness. The process will be long and in parts very painful; but that is what we are in for. Nothing less. He meant what He said.”- C.S. Lewis

C. S. Lewis once said about the divinity of Christ: “I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: [that is,] ‘I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept his claim to be God.’ That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic—on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg—or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.”

C. S. Lewis, in his book Mere Christianity, describes our relationship with God in a special way that can help us to appreciate how submitting ourselves to his will is the only way that spiritual growth can occur: “Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace."

 C. S. Lewis captured the spirit of  surrender: “Christ says, ‘Give me All. I don’t want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I don’t want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. … Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked—the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours.’”

"An individual Christian may see fit to give up all sorts of things for special reasons - marriage, or meat, or beer, or cinema; but the moment he starts saying the things are bad in themselves, or looking down his nose at other people who do use them, he has taken the wrong turning." -C.S. Lewis

“Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” -C.S. Lewis

"The perfect church service would be one we were almost unaware of.Our attention would have been on God." - C.S. Lewis

"You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body." - C.S. Lewis

 

"This is the First and Great Commandment"

President Uchtdorf isn't technically "a voice from the dust", but I loved what he said so much I had to post it. He explains how religious culture can dilute divine truths and how we can live the Gospel in it's purity.

During his ministry Christ was asked to name the greatest commandment. He did not hesitate when he answered, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”

This presents a problem for some, because there are so many “shoulds” and “should nots” that merely keeping track of them can be a challenge. Sometimes, well-meaning amplifications of divine principles—many coming from uninspired sources—complicate matters further, diluting the purity of divine truth.  One person’s good idea—something that may work for him or her—takes root and becomes an expectation. And gradually, eternal principles can get lost within the labyrinth of “good ideas.”

This was one of the Savior’s criticisms of the religious “experts” of His day, whom He chastised for attending to the hundreds of minor details of the law while neglecting the weightier matters.

How clearly the Savior spoke when He said that every other commandment hangs upon the principle of love.  If we do not neglect the great laws—if we truly learn to love our Heavenly Father and our fellowman with all our heart, soul, and mind—everything else will fall into place. -Dieter F. Uchtdorf, General Authority

Spiritual Self Reliance

A few weeks ago our home teachers gave a lesson on “plucking the weeds from our lives”, or removing those things in our life that are draining our time and energy and keeping our spirit from growing. They challenged my family to remove one "weed" from our life for one week, and replace it with a faith building "seed". 

As I thought about what weed I would remove I realized that without meaning to, I had gotten out of the habit of reading my scriptures privately and praying privately in the morning and at night. Our mornings were just so busy and once the kids were in bed at night Luke and I were both exhausted and couldn’t wait to relax in front of our favorite TV show... where I would usually fall asleep.  We were still reading scriptures each night as a family, doing family home evening regularly, and saying all the routine family prayers and blessing all our meals, but I realized that while I had been trying to feed my kids spiritually, my spirit was starving.   

So for one week I committed every morning to literally roll out of bed onto my knees, say a prayer and read the scriptures. Luke and I also committed to forgo our favorite TV show in the evenings until we had read the scriptures and prayed as a couple. I could not have imagined the change that would come over me after only a few days of this new routine. I felt the Spirit enter my heart and our home. It was truly as if the windows of heaven open to me. I felt a peace I had longed for and learned things from the scriptures only the Spirit could have taught. 

As a result of bringing the Spirit into my life I was able to share it with my family. Our family scripture study and family home evening went from being a routine and a duty to being a spiritually uplifting experience for our entire family. Because I was becoming more spiritually self-reliant I was able to spiritually feed my children and those around me.  

One cannot share what they don’t posses. This applies just as much to the spiritual things of life as the temporal. Silvia Allred gave a talk The Essence of True Discipleship this past conference in which she said, “Self-reliance is the ability to provide the spiritual and temporal necessities of life for self and family. As we increase our own level of self-reliance, we increase our ability to help and serve others the way the Savior did.” I understand now, that in order for us to share the Gospel with our family and those around us, we must have a living testimony of it within ourselves. We cannot share what we do not have.

D&C 11: 21 “Seek not to declare my word, but first seek to obtain my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed; then, if you desire, you shall have my Spirit and my word, yea, the power of God unto the convincing of men”