We were recently learning the 13 Articles of Faith as a family when at last we came to the 13th. While memorizing it with my children I noticed something new."...We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things..."
The part that struck me was that we "hope" to be able to endue all things.
I always wanted to think that I was one of those special individuals who could and would always endure well as long as I was determined to do so. But I realized while contemplating this scripture, that I really don't know what trails this life will bring. I don't know if some overwhelming trial will slam me to the ground and I wont be able to endure it. Like this scripture says and what I came to understand is, all I can do is hope that I'll endure.
Where it says "we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things", never does it say we have or will endure them Well. I was left with the impression that we are all just trying to survive, and struggling to endure this life according to our individual abilities and circumstances. I've had trials that have overcome me. Trials I was barely able to survive let alone endure well. This is something I need to remind myself of before I ever cast judgment on how someone else is enduring their personal trials.
This realization got me thinking about my life so far. I began to reflect on certain traumatic, life altering events in my life and how I was thrown on a downward spiral as a result of the overwhelming pain I experienced. For years I have felt so much guilt for the direction my life took during those times. The realization that there is no guarantee or expectation that we will always endure our trials well, that there is only hope, has helped me to forgive the girl I was and I grieve for her pain, and the total darkness and despair she was drowning in. It was in my hour of need, when my life was spiraling out of control and I could not save myself, that God threw me a lifeline and pulled me out. When I found out that I was expecting my daughter, I finally had a reason to look up and reach for His hand. I had lost all hope for myself and living for her was the only way He could reach me and get me to hang on to that line.
I no longer live with the arrogance that I will always endure my trails well. I know by experience that I'm too weak to guarantee perfect faith and obedience, nor does God expect it. All I can do is hope to be able to endure all things and plead that the power of Christ's Atonement and His Grace will make up for my many weaknesses and failures. And if life's trails begin to crash down upon me and I cannot endure well, I know that somehow God will find a way to throw me a lifeline before I am swallowed by despair and lost forever. I hope and pray that I will always be able to see and recognize those lifelines and have the strength to hold on while He pulls me up.
